The Week That Was
Billy Corgan would have you get involved in one wild-ass pig orgy. I'm not techniically sure that this is how Swine Flu is spread, but Corgan wants you to take that risk because fuck doctors, right? RIGHT?
Friday: Given all of Kanye’s
more recent DRAMAZ, I forgot that whole thing where he and his manager
smashed two cameras at a Los Angeles airport last September. Oopsies!
No offense to the legal system, but I can honestly imagine the judge
saying that and forgiving West. Just check out this punishment—50
hours of community service! That’s nothing! Can I please have a crack
at how this sentencing might have transpired in my dreams?
Judge: Mr. West, I sentence you to…
Kanye: YO, your honor, imma
let you finish, but Judge Ito was the best judge ever!
And you thought that joke was over, didn’t you?
Saturday: Breathe easy, y’all. Justin Timberlake is safe. He just got a temporary restraining order against an “obsessed, mentally unstable stalker” who attempted to break into his home Thursday night. Question: is there a “slightly interested, mentally sound stalker” that exists? I mean, I don’t really feel like you’re making your case any stronger by including repetitive adjectives in your description.
Sunday: Even thought I like a few select songs by The Smiths, I count myself part of the “anti-Morrissey” fan club. But, I’m also “pro-health,” so I feel a little bad for the guy. He collapsed onstage during a show in England on Saturday after reportedly suffering from breathing difficulties, but was released from the hospital today.
Monday: GO HOME, U2. NO ONE
LIKES YOU. God, they deserve so much more venom than capital letters.
They’ve announced another world tour that will take them from
June through October. You’ve proven your point, boys. You’re unstoppable.
Now only if you could have Creed open for you, my hell would be complete.
Tuesday: Ah, August. The perfect month for that dirty rock band The Dead Weather to have a pop-up store in L.A. and a sweet live show. Weren’t around for the show? Neither was I, so I’m happy to report that you can hear the show in all its sweat-drenched goodness on the Live at Third Man Records West EP, available on iTunes now.
Wednesday: Here’s your weekly
dose of Billy Corgan insight: Don’t get the H1N1 vaccine! If you’re
meant to die, that’s between you and the Lord! That’s a summary
of a post that Corgan authored on Everything From Here to There.
Also, the H1N1 virus is man-made. He’s heard that from real live doctors.
I’m envisioning that this information came from the “doctor” character
Chris Parnell plays on 30 Rock. Just a thought.
Thursday: As you all know,
normally, I’m all about coppin’ Reuters headlines for Thursday.
However, I’ve got agree with Pitchfork. Shit doesn’t get better
than this: http://pitchfork.com/news/36960-omfg-its-a-birthday-cake-made-to-look-like-lil-waynes-head/
You’ve got cake, Weezy, and the Alec Baldwin connection. My birthday is May 17th. SOMEONE ORDER ME THIS CAKE. YOU HAVE PLENTY OF TIME
Posted by Alyssa Vincent, Alyssa Vincent on Oct 30, 2009 @ 12:00 am
