Heave Media

Friday: Well, it's the 3rd of July. Meaning, everyone's already wasted and prepping to blow shit up in preparation of celebrating our nation's independence tomorrow. Not much news to report on, given that MJ's still dead, so instead, enjoy this fitting video.

Saturday: Daaaaaamn. If I thought people were wasted yesterday, I had no idea what the country was getting itself into today. I'm pretty sure my neighbor fired a gun at 8 am. I live in the Chicagoland ‘burbs, people. We get scurred when children scoff at the sidewalks and ride their bicycles in the streets, much less when Annie Oakley next door hauls out her GUN. I'd say that Sarah Palin has some stiff competition in the "broads wielding guns" competition that I've created to facilitate my neighborhood sniper's hobby. She's got some free time since quitting Alaska, doncha know!

Sunday: FINALLY. Newz you can uze—a tie at the box office! OMG. The Transformers and Ice Age sequels both raked in approximately $42.5 million over the weekend. Come on, Ice Age. You're far more adorable than Megan Fox's blow job face and Shia LeBeouf's overall creepy visage.

Monday: Either I'm getting awfully lazy, or The Week That Was is gettin' interactive as fuck. I'm not sure if I've ever posted as many links as I have this week. But, between the 4th and the audacious Michael Jackson memorial, I'm pretty sure Prince could die and no one would report on it. Hot damn, if Prince dies, I get to be the official HEAVE clairvoyant. But I digress. A more pressing matter is at hand—new videos from The Dead Weather! You know, that awesome- sounding band with Jack White and Allison Mosshart? Check 'em out.

Tuesday: Alright, I've decided that this column is interactively lazy this week. But honestly, this is too good not to post--Sid & Nancy, played by Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

When I retire, I'm going out like Jay-Z or Trent Reznor. Really, they're not all that different—I'll just have to fake retire a LOT. But I feel like Jay is a little less douche-y about it. Personal opinions aside, the final Nine Inch Nails tour is kind of a big deal. They've just added a few more U.S. dates, and the tour kicks off August 22.

Wednesday: Beck is in the running for "coolest artist website ever." He's doing the whole "let's record classic albums over the course of one day, musician friends!" (Record Club), the "yes! I finally get to be a DJ" project (Planned Obsolescence), and now, the aptly titled “Irrelevant Topics,” where he and a musician are just going to chat. Hopefully, about irrelevant topics. Tom Waits is the fitting premiere guest.

Thursday: This is an Associated Press headline you want to see at 1:45 in the morning: "Scooby-Doo director takes on Smurfs movie." Please sir, may I have some more? Details: it'll be live action/animation. Released in 3-D and 2-D formats come December 17, 2010. The Smurfs were created by a Belgian cartoonist named Peyo. Oh, and rest assured—the movie will "feature well-loved characters such as Papa Smurf, Smurfette, and the vicious Gargamel." So, it'll be a Smurf movie, starring Smurfs. No worries. 

I wonder if Bradford Cox of Deerhunter would soundtrack that? I bet not, I’m just attempting to segue into his new album news. Atlas Sound is set to release its latest album, Logos, on October 20. He’s got a pretty decent guest list too—Animal Collective’s Noah Lennox and Stereolab’s Laetitia Sadier.