Heave Media

Holiday Helpings: Bob Dylan And 'Must Be Santa'

Bob Dylan brings shame to an entire holiday – and himself.

There’s something special about Christmas that gives you that distinctive warm feeling inside, none are sparred these feelings.  Even the once trendsetter, turned follower, Bob Dylan, is not immune to Christmas cheer.  Although, he may have entirely lost his ability to differentiate between great music and holly-jolly reindeer shit. 

As things are, I’m an avid Dylan fan myself; my girlfriend and I even downloaded his complete discography a few weeks ago, it only took a scant three days to download.  This being so, in the past few years I’ve tried to give the old folk hero the benefit of the doubt when it comes to his more recent work.  But let’s face it, the man’s 68 years old, not quite the youthful songbird he once was.  In following the trend of many who have run out of good, nay, even marginally acceptable ideas, this year Dylan decided to release a Christmas album of his own.

The song for today is Bob’s first single off, “Must Be Santa,” and its accompanying music video.  Let me set the record straight, so to say, this video is confusing as hell.  Here’s why:

1.     Bob Dylan, or Robert Allen Zimmerman, is Jewish.  Last I checked they sort of do Hanukkah.  No disrespect to those of the Jewish faith, I respect them and their holidays, but really, you’re kind of hitting for the other team here Bob.

2.     The album is listed as being produced by “Jack Frost.”  Those in the know will realize that this is one of Dylan’s seldom-used pseudonyms.  Very clever Bob, but maybe you should have let someone else do the producing… then at least you could have someone else to share the blame with.

3.     Who the hell at Sony decided to green light this project?  I know that his career has been on the downward slope for a bit now, but this could just be the straw that breaks the camels back.  And when that camel is one of the generation’s greatest singer/songwriters, do you really want to be known as the one who gave him the thumbs up?

4.     Bob Dylan has lost the privilege to dress himself.  He looks like a homeless Tom Petty who just lost an ugly stick then stole T-Pain’s stupid hat. 

5.     Lastly, and this is a big one, the video is abso-fucking-lutely indecipherable.  The music itself, Bob rambling aimlessly and gutturally over a pleasant polka backdrop, is enough to decide that maybe choosing this song as a single would be a bad idea.  But wait, there’s more!  The video itself makes not one iota of sense.  The first half of the video seems to be following ol’ Bob around what may as well be his grandchildren’s Christmas party (he’s literally more than twice as old as anyone there, accordion player excluded).  He wonders around, looking bewildered and confused as all get out, muttering nondescript facts about Santa until, get this, a random chase scene begins.  Apparently out of nowhere, two jackasses start chasing each other through this festive gathering.  Havoc ensues.  Bob continues his confused jaunt.  The video then ends with a lot of broken glass and unanswered questions.  Happy Holidays Bob.

But to be fair, Bob Dylan is donating all the proceeds from this album’s sales to difference charities in the US and UK.  So here’s a tip my hat to his charitable Christmas spirit, it’s not the gift, but the thought that counts.  

Posted by Andrew Scott on Dec 22, 2009 @ 9:00 am