Heave Media

The Roundtable: Fictional Bands

Which fictional band is your favorite?

Real groups are pretty talented, but fictional bands are always larger than life. So this week we asked the HEAVE writers a pretty simple question – which fictional band is your favorite?  And, for your information – I’m going with The Wonders (or Oneders if you liked them before they were big).

Amy Dittmeier - There can only be one answer to this question: The Beets.  The Beets were a band in the cartoon "Doug," which you may or may not remember from Nickelodeon aka what was the most bitchin' network when I was a kid.  They were kind of like the Beatles and the Stones except they had weird skin tones and a girl on keyboards.  They weren't in the series that much but were the favorite band of Doug Funny and his dog Porkchop.  Who can forget their hit "Killer Tofu?"  It's one of the only things I do remember from Doug.  I'm not sure why because listening to it again it's the worst song ever.  Th e song is just about how awful tofu is.  But what the Beets specialized in was bringing teenage troubles to the forefront.  From "I Need Mo' Allowance" to "I Sneezed On My Face," they made the public aware of how much it sucked to be young, apathetic, and be named Roger Klotz.  The Beets have since gone their seperate ways, following their own solo careers, but their contribution to music lives on.

Mark Steffen - Nickelback. No, but seriously - my favorite fictional band...Creed.

Andrew Scott - Before I answer, riddle me this:  Why settle for a fictional band, when you can have a fictional super group? By this point I’m sure there are literally several different ideas running through you mind; all of which, I could care less about.  Mainly because my fictional band beats the shit out of any band you could possibly be thinking of.  But all hostility aside, this band could be the perfect example of a fictional band; they were a one hit wonder, resolved the entire episode with song, and spawned numerous YouTube rip-offs.  I am, of course, alluding to SpongeBob and the Bikini Bottom Super Band.   (See, super, it’s even in the name, let’s see you refute that!) 

Now I could go on and on about how awesome the Bikini Bottom Super Band is, but I’m sure that if you take a moment to think about it, no explanations would be required.  However, that won’t stop me from ranting and raving about them.  Overcame adversity. Kick ass song.  Played the Bubble Bowl (equivalent of a real band playing the Super Bowl in space).  ‘Nuff said, SpongeBob rules. 

Alyssa Vincent - I've got to give it to Rob Sheffield on this one. In Love is a Mix Tape, he talks about the synth-pop duo fantasy that he has with nearly every girl he has a crush on. Time passes, and he now finds himself living near a store called Metropolitan Floors, which, he claims "is the greatest synth-pop duo name ever." As someone who has a similar fantasy about nearly every guy I like, Metropolitan Floors struck a definite chord with me.

Though, because I like duos, I've got to choose two. My runner-up favorite faux band is The Beets, from the epic cartoon Doug. Just listen to "Killer Tofu." It's actually a pretty excellent song.

Ryan Peters - I think metalheads get a lot of undue grief thrown their way for being outside the box, which doesn't make any sense to me because of all the different types of music genres and their associated personalities, metal is by far the most bad ass and the least annoying. They take the exact same problems that emo bands sing about, and instead of cry about them, they pray to Satan for guidance. Plus, they do a lot of hardcore things. Can you imagine Ben Gibbard biting
the head off of a bird? Don't bet your goddamn boots on it. The point I'm making is that life would be infinitely better if the world were run by a metal band.

Which is exactly why Dethklok, from the show "Metalocalypse," is easily the best fake there is (and they're not even completely fake, since there is a touring version of the band that will melt your face off if given the chance). Anyone who watches the show knows that fans of Dethklok will do anything they are instructed to do by the bands lyrics, up to and often including death. The band has the seventh-largest GDP in the world, and retains its own police force. And, in what may be one of the best lines in the show's history, Nathan Pain tells Murderface--the self-hating, nihilist bassist who watched his father murder his mother with a chainsaw before turning it on himself--that they got him the most brutal, hardcore birthday gift they could think of: "NOOOTHHHINGGG."

Everything about the band is hardcore and, therefore, amazing. Dethklok, no doubt.

Posted by Wes Soltis on Dec 11, 2009 @ 9:00 am