The Week That Was
Prince is an amazing guitar player, and his purple penis guitar is kind of cool, but he writes album titles like a tween girl who is hot in the crotch for the Jonas Brothers.
Friday: In an attempt to show fans that he’s still got it, Prince is playing three back-to-back shows in L.A. on March 28. This blitz of shows is meant to support his upcoming three-disc set with artist Bria Valente. Sold exclusively through the classy music retailer, Target. His two discs bears the titles of LOtUSFLOW3R and MPLSoUND. Those text-message titles are so exhausting, I just copy and pasted them. Really, Prince? A number 3 instead of an E? WHERE IS YOUR DIGNITY? Probably hiding under your purple wang guitar.
Saturday: SXSW is well under way, and plenty of unknown bands have been discovered by bloggers and indie cowfolk alike. However, since I do not have the funds to fly myself to Austin, I’m going to tell you about the new thing the Vatican disapproves of: Angels & Demons. Yeah, I know. What a surprise. Why don’t they just save themselves a lot of trouble and put a hit out on Ron Howard, Dan Brown and Tom Hanks directly? With ideas like that, someone should make me the Pope.
Sunday: Strike two against Cory and I. First, we talk shit about Race to Witch Mountain, and it gets number one at the box office. Then, I talk a really big, really terrible game against Nicholas Cage’s “thriller” Knowing, and IT gets number one at the box office. Can we be compensated for this reverse predictions, please?
Monday: Nicholas Hughes, the son of author Sylvia Plath and Ted Hughes, committed suicide today at the age of 47. According to his sister, he had been battling depression for some time. Plath killed herself when Nicholas was just one year old. May he rest in peace.
Tuesday: Not sure why, but The Shins always make me go “aww…” Thankfully, during the month of May, I’ll be able to swoon and coo at them in a public venue. After taking a year off so that one band member could have a baby, and the other could star in a movie, The Shins are back on the road for a couple of weeks, playing in Portland, L.A., and NYC, to name a few.
Wednesday: Remember when Jeremy Piven screamed “mercury poisoning,” and left the Broadway production of Speed the Plow two months early? Honestly, if he was actually sick, I feel for the guy. But, it all sounds too shady. Thank God the just hand of the law will help us sort this mess out. His case is set to be sent to arbitration in June.
Thursday: Time to settle that long-standing bet with your drinking buddies. Dolly Parton = totes not gay. Apparently, she’s got an Oprah/Gayle King-style relationship going on with her friend Judy Ogle, but they’ve never been “like that” with each other. That’s coming straight from the mouth of a cock lovin’ backwoods Barbie.
Start checking out the stills from the film adaptation of Where The Wild Things Are, directed by Spike Jonze. It was one of my favorite books as a kid, and it looks like Jonze is doing an amazing job. However, even if the movie massacres that blessed part of my childhood, it will still be redeemed by a soundtrack featuring Arcade Fire and Karen O.
Friday: Beloved Chicago rockers Chin Up Chin Up have called it quits. Even though frontman Jeremy Bolen, and members Greg Sharp and Bobby Burg have a new side project called Vacations, it’s still quite sad to see these boys go away. If you’re needing to hear them one last time—or one first time, in my case—be sure to check out their final show on May 15 at the Empty Bottle.
Saturday: For some people, the Pitchfork Festival just got a whole lot better. The Flaming Lips are now slated to perform, massive stage bubble and all. Personally, I’m not elated by the news, but what can I say? I’m a regular Debbie Downer when it comes to the Lips.
Speaking of downers, T.I. is set to start serving his one year, one day jail sentence any day now. You’ll remember that he was convicted of illegally possessing machine guns and silencers. He could have faced up to 20 years, but thanks to completing 1,000 hours of community service, he was able to reduce his sentence.
Sunday: Holy God. Monsters vs. Aliens made $58.2 million at the box office this weekend. Seriously? It may feature the vocal talents of Paul Rudd, the cutest man boy ever, but even I think $58.2 million is a little much. Apparently, the recession loves animation!
Monday: Madonna is attempting to forcibly take another child from Malawi. I mean, adopt. Adopt into a loving, stable home where everyone exercises for at least three hours a day. Her latest victim is a little girl by the name of Mercy. Honey, your name is going to be quite indicative of this whole experience. Here’s hoping that you’re offered plenty of mercy, and not just mini-dumbells.
Posted by Alyssa Vincent, Alyssa Vincent on Mar 30, 2009 @ 9:33 am
