The Week That Was
A food coma is a lot like a real coma, only with more turkey farts
Friday: Missy Elliott might not want or need a “One-Minute Man” (God, that song is good), but I’m thinking that Madonna and Guy Ritchie are in love with their quickie judge right about now. The pair were officially split by the law in under a minute. That’s got to be the shortest divorce hearing ever…I kind of wonder if the judge had been following US Weekly as religiously as I had, and knew that since the “marriage” was obviously over in July, he should just announce it and go home. Here’s hoping that Madge has one of those classy “I’m Divorced!” parties, complete with hookers and blow.
Saturday: John Lennon can finally rest in peace after all these tortured years—the Vatican has forgiven him for his misguided, prideful quip that the Beatles were more famous than Jesus Christ. The pardon appeared in the Vatican’s daily newspaper, Osservatore Romano, and stated that since Lennon was young, he had no idea how to deal with so much fame bestowed on him so suddenly. He had to resort to blasphemy. Side note: who knew the Vatican had a newspaper? I’m putting in an application as I type this.
Sunday: I’m so not ashamed to say that I read all four books in the "Twilight" series this summer in a matter of days. I now know that I have a weakness for crappily written young adult vampire romance novels. It’s a very specific genre. Anyway, I obviously wasted money and saw the movie, along with hundreds of thousands of other girls and ashamed parents/fanboys. While it’s really great to see that Twilight made $70 million—the biggest opening ever for a female director, yay for Catherine Hardwicke—it honestly is one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. That being said, go see a matinee of it, because it falls into the “so awful, it’s amazing” classification.
Monday: The week of Thanksgiving and Christmas are always weird for news…either a huge band reunites, or absolutely nothing happens at all. AT ALL. Hence why I’m putting IKEA and Pavement together in a sentence. If you want to meet a member of the group and get some free Swedish décor while you’re at it, submit a photo of your dwelling and an essay on why it needs to be redone, and send it to the Pavement Fans group on imeem. The winner gets a $500 shopping spree with one member of Pavement. The submission deadline is December 6, and the winner will be announced on December 9.
Tuesday: Oh, right. There is some huge news this week. Chinese Democracy was finally released. Yay! Sorry, I’m no Guns N’ Roses fan. Want a way better breakdown of the album, along with some real enthusiasm? Look to the right of this article, and watch the new “Take It Or Heave It,” where Wes and Ryan chat about the finer points of this epic release.
Wednesday: RollingStone arguably made Britney Spears into the teen sex icon she once was. Anybody remember the cover where she was on the phone holding a Teletubby? Things were simpler back then. So, it’s only fitting that they re-introduce the new, less crazy Britney to the world, complete with the Obama line of “Yes She Can!” I’m playing a new game with Spears: how long can she keep up the whole “Y’all, I swear I’m sane!” act? I give her until June.
Thursday: I’m about to descend into one of the best food comas ever, and hope you all are doing the same right about now. Enjoy your friends, enjoy your family, and remember how much you have to be thankful for. Have a great day, everyone.
Posted by Alyssa Vincent, Alyssa Vincent on Nov 28, 2008 @ 12:00 am
