The Week That Was
Dear Britney Spears: We Welcome you and your side-boob back to the forefront of pop culture. You were missed. With love, Heave
Friday: BRITNEY SPEARS IS BACK, BITCH! And she’s 20% more oiled up. If you saw the debut of “Womanizer” on 20/20 (what?), then you know what I’m talking about. It was a 4-minute exercise in how to stage a total comeback. Step 1: Flaunt your naked, probably Photoshopped body in a steam room. Step 2: Use lots of wigs—huge stars always need at least two hair changes. Step 3: Straddle everything. Seriously, even if it’s just a countertop, you work it on top of that thing. Step 4: Keep giggling and hope that everyone forgets that one year ago, you went batshit crazy. Comeback complete! But really, I kind of love the song. She’s got a healthy mix of robot vocals, heavy breathing, and techno beats going on, and it keeps me entertained.
Saturday: Lisa Marie Pressley gave birth to two twin girls! Not today, but last Tuesday. Apparently, they wanted to keep it a secret? Anyway, the gals’ names are Finley and Harper. Aww, androgyny! I love it.
Sunday: Since everyone is crapping their pants over this dreadful economy, “serious” film fare isn’t doing so well at the box office. Or at least that’s the rationale I’m going to agree with that explains why on earth Beverly Hills Chihuahua is the #1 film again. $17.5 million this week. Really, people? The economy can’t be so bad that you’re willing to waste $9 on a talking dog.
Monday: Here’s some baby news that I can be excited about—M.I.A. is preggers! When she showed up to perform at the xXx party in Brooklyn, her wicked style accommodated a rather large baby bump. Fiancé Ben Brewer is the lucky daddy. Oh, and unlike Bristol Palin and Jamie Lynn Spear, M.I.A. knows how to keep it classy, as she told Pitchfork Media: “I got engaged first, then I got pregnant, kids.”
Tuesday: Finally, Franz Ferdinand will release their hotly anticipated third album, entitled Tonight: Franz Ferdinand. God, if only it was their fourth album—that would have made for some amazing alliteration. Watch for it on January 27.
Wednesday: I bet you didn’t see this one coming—Madonna and Guy Ritchie are getting divorced after eight years of marriage. I know it’s a shock guys, hold it together. There’s all sorts of rumors running around about there being no pre-nup, but I have my doubts that the Material Girl didn’t think ahead and guard her possessions. We’ll see.
Sadly enough, news of another split. Tea Leoni and David Duchovny have separated after 11 years of marriage. This actually happened several months ago, but they wanted to keep it out of the media for the sake of their two kids. It’s a sad day for celebrity love.
Thursday: Yes, I’m one of those ridiculous people that cannot get enough of Project Runway. In fact, whenever I find myself in a less-than-stellar mood, I do my best Tim Gunn impression and force myself to “make it work!” In last night’s all-female finale—a first for the show—designer Leanne Marshall from Portland walked away with the coveted prize. Thank God—I loved her for her awesome glasses and ability to have the same emotion whether her clothes were being brutally criticized or was seeing her boyfriend for the first time in five months.
Posted by Alyssa Vincent, Alyssa Vincent on Oct 17, 2008 @ 12:00 am
