The Weekly Roundtable
Which band should stop making music?
HEAVE likes a lot of bands – but we also think a lot of bands should just hang it up. We took a survey among some of our writers, and here is what we discovered.
WHAT BAND SHOULD STOP MAKING MUSIC?
Ryan Peters - It's a bold thing indeed to suggest that an artist stop making music - to ask that they literally stop working to put bread in their mouths (or dollar bills in their stripper's g-string, as it may be) - but then again, calling Aerosmith a group of artists is a lot like referring to your neighborhood crack dealer as a pharmacist. I know that they have their fans, but I have never been able to enjoy a single second of any of the so-called music they produce. Every time I hear a song by Aerosmith I think to myself, "Wait, didn't another band already do this, and do a better job of it? And weren't they named The Rolling Stones? And The Who? And Led Zeppelin? And maybe AC/DC, on a good day?" Please, Aerosmith, put me out of your misery.
Joe Roth - This is very hard for me to say. Mulling over the idea of musicians who should stop making music and climb back under their respective rocks is never an easy proposition. It's quite easy to mention the usual suspects, but difficult to slag on your favorites. I narrowed the decision down to two, but will only discuss one. The Cure are a band far more important than most people give credit. They are The Beatles of their genre, the music that is most copied in indie and the bible on which Goths pray, whatever may be left of them.
My decision is based on their most recent tour. I've seen The Cure four times, and each show in some way taps into our basic (however hidden) sense of hopeless devotion to the one that got away, or the one that will never know you cared. The most recent tour sparked some excitement in me with the return of their greatest guitarist, Porl Thompson; hero of such albums as "Head In The Door", Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me", and "Disintegration".
The show was wrought with hits, and even some songs I'd never thought I'd see live were all played to perfection and sung by the cold ridden Robert Smith - sounding better than I'd ever heard him sing. Here's the catch, no synths! I'm all for a band expanding upon their sound and changing things up to keep things interesting, but when you present The Cure without any keyboards, it's like Buddha without the belly. I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt, but my interest waned quickly.
So, please The Cure, it's been almost 20 years since we really dug your albums, just surrender yourselves to that idea. Oh, and Morrissey, you're in my sights too!
Alyssa Vincent - I don't care about her five-octave range, or how many gold and platinum records she has - Mariah Carey needed to stop making music years ago. Actually, I think the world could have survived without her. The voice? I'm sorry, but half of the time, you know she's just throwing out those notes to remind people that she's "talented." The problem is that after that helpful reminder, she screws herself over with lyrics like, "Always strung out for another taste of your honey." from the classic hit "Honey", to the soulful sentiment behind, "This is for my people's who lost their grandmothers." from "Bye Bye". It's official - this woman-child needs to shut up. Factor in her ridiculous pop-culture cred - marrying Tommy Mottola when she was a young'n, marrying Nick Cannon after he directed the "Bye Bye" video, having a total nervous breakdown on the set of "TRL" and that ridiculous pink house that she featured on a creepy episode of "Cribs" - and you've got one ridiculous superstar. While I'm positive that there are less talented and more annoying people to indict, there's only one crooner that has the whole dreadful package - Ms. Mimi.
Lisa White - I try to give bad music the benefit of the doubt. Not all people like the same sound, and that's one of the redeeming (yet sometimes annoying) qualities of the music industry. I tend to treat musicians who make music I don't enjoy like the kid on the middle school baseball team that never gets to bat. I praise them for getting out there and trying their best, yet leave the unspoken truth that they in all honesty suck deep inside. I once met pop star Ryan Cabrera and the only words I had to say to him were, "You played a very nice guitar solo on your last song!" Technically it was a very nice solo, just the rest of the song made my ears bleed.
Yet some bands go too far, and in my case that band is Nickelback. I see Nickelback as one of the laziest bands around, and a band that really should just stop making music. They are lazy because they continually write the same damn song. Now granted, as an artist you tend to write music in your personal style, so a lot of it will sound similar, but these guys take it to the limit. Shame on you Nickelback for taking the hard earned money of your fans that are clearly too dumb to realize they are buying the same song twice.
Andy Scott - Few bands posses to power the change one's mind purely through the power of music. Now usually when I stumble upon bands like this, it's a good thing because it's in a positive manner. But in a few very rare cases does a band come along, that is so annoying, so irritating and so mindblowingly overplayed that they make me seriously consider stabbing myself in the ears. The latest band making this prestigious list is none other than the notorious radio kings, Nickleback. Oh Nickleback - I hate your constant airplay. I hate your whiney, degenerate lyrics. And I especially hate your overly generic "bro-rock." It's time to give it up, Nickleback, you aren't fooling anyone; you're a bunch of washed up has-beens and I'm calling you out.
Posted by Ryan Peters on Jun 26, 2008 @ 7:15 am
