Ups and Downs
Google, giant sea creatures and babies who don't break bones.
Up: Google-eyed: The online market research group ComScore reported this week that Google increased its lead in the market for internet search engines, with 58.5% of all web searches in October. The next closest search engine was Yahoo, with a lowly 22.9%. Now, I'm not really down with the way Google helped the Chinese government find information about dissidents, but other than that, I love all things Google. This is an example of free-market economics working to perfection. Google is a better, simpler, more complete search engine than any other, which is exactly why it is the most popular. Every time I see commercials for Ask.com claiming that its users are more satisfied than any other I laugh, because it is a generally accepted fact that using the Ask search engine is about as much fun as being treated for a Herpes outbreak.
Down: This sounds awful: The Associated Press is reporting that a 55-year old woman in Georgia has her finger pulled completely off when she was the victim of a drive-by robbery this week. Caesare Pinkins was charged with robbery and aggravated assault after he tried to pull the purse away from a woman walking down the street. During the struggle, Pinkins somehow managed to get away with both the purse and one of the woman's fingers. Barring the possibility that the woman is made of Legos or, say, bread, this sounds like the most painful thing imaginable.
Up: Creatures from the sea that could devour a man whole: Researchers from the University of Bristol have discovered the fossilized remains of an ancient sea scorpion that was estimated to have been over 8 feet in length. "This is an amazing discovery. We have known for some time that the fossil record yields monster millipedes, super-sized scorpions, colossal cockroaches, and jumbo dragonflies but we never realized, until now, just how big some of these ancient creepy-crawlies were," said researcher Simon Braddy. The Bristol University group theorized that the ancient creatures may have grown so large for one of two reasons: either the elevated amount of oxygen present in prehistoric earth's atmosphere, or a so-called "arms race" with prehistoric, over sized shell fish, the main predator for ancient scorpions and the like. Personally, I like to think that ancient, 8-foot scorpions engaged in a actual arms race, where they obtained highly militarized chemical weapons and battled fish that could walk on two legs but mostly rode enormous sea horses as they welded pick axes made from the discarded claws of pterodactyls. Now, I'm not exactly sure how likely a scenario that is; but the fact that the sheer possibility exists makes me impossibly happy. Rock on, science. Rock on.
Down: Nearly losing our only hope: Scientists at the University of Bristol never said so, but I inferred from their press conference that they harbor deep, terrifying fears that the 8-foot sea scorpions will one day rise up out of their underwater hiding places and attempt to reestablish their dominion over the land. Thankfully, human beings still have one hope: Bradley Priebe, a 14-month old child from Brooklyn who crawled out of a 3rd story window on Thanksgiving, fell 20 feet to a concrete roof below, and survived without breaking a bone. Clearly, if left alone, Priebe will grow up to be the strongest human being alive. So long as his family doesn't leave any more windows open for the toddler to crawl out of, he will eventually lead the human race in a final battle against the forsaken sea scorpions. Then, five years later, Michael Bay will make a terrible movie about the whole event starring Shia Labeouf.
Posted by Ryan Peters, Ryan Peters on Nov 26, 2007 @ 12:00 am
